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| It feels so amazing out. I love it. It's the perfect night, granted you can't see the stars.
Just looking back over the past ten weeks i see such a change. I have more hope than I thought, and faith. I have more confidence than I thought. I'm actually coming out of my comfort zone and trying to trust. I'm becoming weak, but through my weakness, God is my strength.
He has huge plans for me, ones that i never thought more possible. Granted, i only have a small idea, but i know its bigger than me.
I'm a new creation, being broken and pieced back together to be a beautiful piece of art. I'm a princess and i have a heart of gold. I'm learning how to love and receive that love. I'm shy, and thats okay. I hate being the center of attention and leading, but how can i help build others up without being a leader. Alls i know is that i want to sow into people, girls especially. I want them to know they are beautiful and loved. That they are worth more than they can imagine. I want to be like those who helped show me who I am. Those who took the time and energy to be there for me. I grew up in church, I was surrounded by Godly woman. It wasn't until the end of middle school I met the one who would make the hugest impact on my life and those around me. Someone who truly cared and loved me. Who wanted to be there and saw me go back and forth. She invested her time to make a difference. She showed me what it is to be a woman of God. And not to be your average one who blended in, but that its okay to be yourself. It's not about how you look or the shape of your body, its your heart. She is one of the most beautiful woman i know, inside and out. Even though I'm miles away, she's still making an impact, with her writing and being there and giving advice. A huge part of who I am is because of her, Jaime Patterson.
I want to have the impact that she has had in so many peoples lives. Not only girls, but the guys. She became the mother to those who needed it. She loved you no matter what. I hope I can make that same kind of impact on the girls growing up now. Investing my time and getting to know them. Being there in their time of need.
I can only hope God will use me the same way he's used her. To expose the princess, and warrior princess at that, that is inside every girl waiting to be revealed. A girl that is to be feared for her strength is great. There a power that lies inside every girl waiting to be unveiled. A girl having dreams to fight for those that she loves, yet soft and sweet at the same time. One who embraces her femininity and isn't scared to do that. Who knows her greatest and is going to excel. This princess who doesn't fear for she knows when she is weak, that God is her strength. That she can do anything and has hopes higher than she could imagine.
Slowly, this is being unleashed in my life. I'm past the start and its hard, but I know I can do it. I've been given the strength and power. I've been given grace. My nature no longer controls me. My insecurity can't hold me back any longer. I can't let it. I have to stop believing the lies I've come to believe. That I can't do it and second guessing myself. Great things have been done. I have my shield raised high and I'm going into battle.
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| So, i decided after school im going to stay in nashville, whether i do the internship or not. i'm not exactly sure at the moment. i seriously love it out here.
Life is going pretty well. I have my times of frustration and emotional breakdowns, but it happens.
I have amazing people in my life. Ones that care and understand what i'm going through. A boy who's been there for me pretty much every step of the way since we've met. and understands where im coming from and is ok with it.
I've come such a long way. Its amazing. I dont even feel like the same person. I'm becoming a new creation. I'm becoming more confident and more comfortable with who i am. I'm at a good place, but still not where i want to be. I'm past the start and that's all that matters. I'm not nearly as insecure as i used to be. Its good to be at this point. i like it.
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| its been a while. things have been confusing and im just trying to figure out who i am.
i live in nashville at the moment for the next few months. might decide to stay here. its a pretty amazing city so far. the people are super nice and it does feel at home. i'm know over my time in school i will change. i long for that change. i want to be a better person, not that im a bad person but i want to help people and be there for them. so we'll see what happens.
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| talks in carytown and out taking pictures. out late with your best and closest friend. what could be better.
knowing God put him in your life for a reason. we had such an amazing talk. it was something i needed very much.
i might be stuck here for a year, but you know, you live life not for the moment, but the future.
you never know when your time will end, but what you do right now has more of an impact than you know.
<3 xo | | |
| i pretty much died on this thing. i always do.
lets see whats happened in my life since the last update.
well, joe and i broke up almost two months ago. he's still my best friend and has been there for me more than ever. midlothian teen, my friend chip ellis, went missing. found a few days later killed in the back of his trunk. i graduated. i started cleaning houses with a lady from church. my missions trip in slovkia is in exactly a month. i get to teach the younger kids there. i'm very excited.
thats pretty much my life in a nutshell.
i hope things are going well with everyone else.
<3 xo | | |
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